SCREAM.

I

want

to

SCREAM.

Nothing in my life is seeming to make sense right now. Being back here is like deja vu from two years ago...except for I don't know who I am anymore. Sometimes you just want to turn back the clock and smack your old self for being so stupid. I can't make up my mind about anything, I want things to make sense but they just don't because I don't make any sense. I don't know what I like, I don't know who I like, I don't know where I want to live, and I don't know what I want to do...a part of me always thought I did, but this strange new side of me seems to be taking over. The less emotional, more accepting side of me. Never thought I'd see the day. I love You so much, but everything you're asking of me seems contrary to natural expectations, and I don't know if I can do that. Everything in me is screaming for something else, but I don't know what it is...I want to yield but at the same time everybody and everything is pulling me away. I want You so much but at the same time I feel like pushing You away...God I wish something made sense right now. I wish I had some kind of peace, some kind of security, somewhere I could actually call...home. Someone I could actually wake up to in the morning that I love and woul d stay with me. But in my life...this doesn't seem to exist, at least not for awhile. As sappy as it sounds, I wish I had that fairy tale life, with family,friends that would stay around, people that care about you...someone to care for, but I just don't. I wish I could show my feelings without being pushed away, but I just can't...and I just wish You could be here with me right now, holding me and telling me that everything's gonna be alright.

But yet again...I force myself to be alone.