Ponderings

Been learning alot lately. Sometimes life gets you down, and I know it's been said a million times, but it really changes you. I knew after fdtp things would change...but I never figured things would be like this. There's just something about personal responsibility that grows you up ten times quicker than anything else. I'm really glad for everything that has been happening recently, cause I just know everything's gonna turn out for the best in the end. I'm so excited about going to Congo, and even though nothing really makes sense right now...it doesn't really matter anymore. The Lord's always worked things out for me and I just know he's gonna work this out.

Sometimes I just think about what he did for me and I just can't even begin to try to pay him back...does that ever happen to you? I pretty much owe everything to him. I trust him. And I know we're gonna make it through this together. :) Smile.

Chow. --Nathalie

China girl

Teehee, I love you darling.

montreal

Me and my brother David the punk rock star of caney creek heroes.

Feeling randomly tired.


This is the shed.

This is my parents house.


Hanging out with marco (don't think wrong peoplez!)

Back

So I just got back from Montreal, I successfully made my first trip around Toronto without getting lost, yay! Long bus drive, met some really cool chick from Cyprus...saw my bro David (caney creek heroes, coolest band EVER!), marco, didn't see the guy (thank god), got pathetically drunk off my ass...uhh, what else happened in montreal...nothing really, just glad to be back, although it was nice to see my parents after so long. The town they live in is so small! I was like walking around looking for a place to buy a wallet and I swear to God, EVERYONE stares at you! I'm not saying that to be conceited or whatever, it's true...and you're like "Uhhh, hi, can i help you?" It was so random! then I went to the cashier with my mom and the cashier's like "nathalie! it's been so long!" and I look at her like "Uhhhhh who are you?" And she's like "Oh I was in your class in 4th grade!" Seriously! How can people remember you from 8 years ago??? Anyhow, I'm glad to be back.

Another thing....what do guys in The Family in europe eat??? Godamn, I was just looking at some pics from the guys going to XD in europe, what a shame i'm not 18 yet. Sigh, well I guess you cant have everything in life. but it makes me seriously consider about going to visit down there sometime...hahahaha.

Ok, this post is retarded. Bye. I'll post pics some other day.

Daddy

Here's me and my dad looking like dorks.

September 21st

I wrote this song almost exactly a year ago today, it was originally called September something but I forgot the date so I just call it September 21st. It was really interesting how I got the tune for this one because usually I write my songs with the guitar, but one day I was on outreach and the Lord put this little tune in my head and I liked it so much I just had to do something with it. I'm not so into the lyrics they're kind of corny and cliche but I think they really describe the way I was feeling at the time. I was with this guy for like a year and then in the summer we called it quits. I tried so hard to change but he just refused to give me a chance no matter how hard I tried. Anyhow, whatever, that's why I wrote this song.

If I had a chance to tell you I love you
Then I would tell you again
If I had a chance to tell you I'm sorry
Then I would tell you again

These chances are gone now
and I'm left with nothing but
The memories again

Cause I'm lying here awake
Thinking of you
Still trying to escape
This pain that I'm feelin'
Please God help me heal

If I had a chance to hold you one last time
I would give you anything
If I had a chance to make this happen
I'd give you anything

These chances are gone now
And I'm left reaching out
for something that won't come back

Cause I'm lying here awake
Thinking of you
Still trying to escape
This pain that I'm feelin'
Please God help me heal

Cause I'm lying here awake
Thinking of you
Still trying to escape
This pain that I'm feelin'
Please God help me heal

Miss you...

Grumph.

I hate to rip off the British but...

Bloody HELL!!!

I am in a gawdone awful mood. I just spend most of my day trying to figure out how to get a cheap bus back to Toronto for this Wednesday. Lord help me and this internet connection. Sometimes it takes literally thirty seconds for a letter to appear on the screen, and I'm not over-exaggerating. To top it off and just complement my life I'm going to see the first man I ever fell in love with this Tuesday.

Lovely.

Yeah list of things that you never want to experience in a weeks time, that one being at the top of the list. I liked the idea of never seeing him again, not going to dinner with him and his family!!!! Oh, Lord, when will my life ever get simple again??

I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon...

I'm really not a grumpy person I swear, this week has just been rather tight and stressful...sigh, I need to talk to Mikey or I'm going to strangle someone.

YAY!

On a lighter note....

I've got that boom boom bang...

I GOT MY PASSPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which means...

I GET TO GO BACK TO TORONTO THIS TUESDAY!!!!

YAY!!!

It's a miracle by all means I got at all seeing as I have almost no papers. Well the first time they rejected me and I felt like throttlling the woman, but then she was like "if you get me a medical card paper then MAYBE we could get your passport" so we drove over and ran to the medical card place and I got the paper, ran back and I got it! Yay! I know it sounds boring but I spent like the last 6 hours driving to and fro to get my passport.

Tehe, I'm too giddy...I'm going back to Toronto, lalalla....

Ok shutting up now.

Bye!

P.S. Amy, I love you! You must show me the next episode of Legend of the Seeker when I get back :D Heh, Im so lame.

SCREAM.

I

want

to

SCREAM.

Nothing in my life is seeming to make sense right now. Being back here is like deja vu from two years ago...except for I don't know who I am anymore. Sometimes you just want to turn back the clock and smack your old self for being so stupid. I can't make up my mind about anything, I want things to make sense but they just don't because I don't make any sense. I don't know what I like, I don't know who I like, I don't know where I want to live, and I don't know what I want to do...a part of me always thought I did, but this strange new side of me seems to be taking over. The less emotional, more accepting side of me. Never thought I'd see the day. I love You so much, but everything you're asking of me seems contrary to natural expectations, and I don't know if I can do that. Everything in me is screaming for something else, but I don't know what it is...I want to yield but at the same time everybody and everything is pulling me away. I want You so much but at the same time I feel like pushing You away...God I wish something made sense right now. I wish I had some kind of peace, some kind of security, somewhere I could actually call...home. Someone I could actually wake up to in the morning that I love and woul d stay with me. But in my life...this doesn't seem to exist, at least not for awhile. As sappy as it sounds, I wish I had that fairy tale life, with family,friends that would stay around, people that care about you...someone to care for, but I just don't. I wish I could show my feelings without being pushed away, but I just can't...and I just wish You could be here with me right now, holding me and telling me that everything's gonna be alright.

But yet again...I force myself to be alone.

Pic

Ya this is me I just cut my hair and dyed it.

This is me before.

Biiig difference, I still get confused looking in the mirror.

Songs

Yeah so I'm a songwriter too, I write corny love songs, I'd post recordings but I don't have any so you get to read the cheesy lyrics. This is a song I wrote like a week b4 my 17th birthday.

Met you in the rain last summer
My heart skipped a beat
You were so near to me
But we kept runnin' away, runnin'...away

Now it's the winter
And these flowers turn to grey
You've turned me away

And it's time to say goodbye
Wish this was a dream
Want to love you tonight
But these wishes are just dreams
Of Old

Reaching out
Pain seems like relief
You're distant now
But life gives me some reprieve

Give me a heart
To love this summer
Give it away

And it's time to say goodbye
Wish this was a dream
Want to love you tonight
But these wishes are just dreams
Of Old

I'll go to the courtyard
Give you my dream
Watch it while it falls

I come to your window
Full of broken memories
Watch me as I fall

And it's time to say goodbye
Wish this was a dream
Want to love you tonight
But these wishes are just dreams
Of Old

Time to say goodbye
Wish this was a dream
Want to love you tonight
But these wishes are just dreams
Of Old, Of Old, Of O-o-o-ld...

Goodbye.

Toronto

So I just got back from Toronto and I'm miserably depressed, although I am trying to get over the loss. It was so fun I stayed at Amy's house, and am starting to experience most things that I didn't get to experience in Detroit, feels kind of weird ...kinda like getting out of a shell. Didn't really get to see anyone except for John and Sarah's home cause everyone else had bed bugs lol. But yeah, anyway, so last Sunday I had my first experience ever of taking a bus. I know, crazy right? Just never had to take one before. So I get on the first bus and everything's cool, and then this guy in TO tells me to go down Carville to the bus station, so I'm looking around EVERYWHERE for this stupid bus station and I can't find it so finally I stop and ask some random Ukranian guy where the bus station is and he's like "Oh, I dunno..." and then I'm walking along, and then I see it...the BUS! And it's past me already, and the next one doesn't come for two hours, so I start chasing after the stupid bus but I couldn't catch it, and then I hear a honk and it's the Ukranian guy! And he's like "Wanna catch the bus?" So I hop in the car and he helps me catch the bus and I get the bus all the way to this street I'm supposed to go to, but it drops me off at this random museum, and I'm like..."Where the **** am I?" So I walk down the street for a looong time, and it's dead quiet, there's nothing but trees and flowers and there's NO ONE walking down the street to ask if I'm going in the right direction. Finally after a long time I spot Mikey waiting for me, haha, he was the only guy walking down the street, and we had to walk another hour to get to the house. But ya, it was cool, got to see everyone again, Mikey, Danny, Dre, he's going to Swissy land, Teeny, Laura...well you know...it was fun. Hum...what else happened in TO...Omg! I met JASON CHAN! If you have no idea who I'm talking about, it's probably because you're not Chinese. I went to this random Chinese mall the other day to go ballooning, and so I'm walking to the bathroom and all of a sudden I see this huge crowd of Asian ppl and I'm like Hey what are they looking at? So I go up and this guy gives me this magazine..."Jason Chan", so I figure Aw what the hell I'm so bored I'll go and meet Jason Chan. Finally an hour later he comes and I'm like "HEEEY!!" And he looks at me all weird because I'm the only English person in the mall. :D And I got his autograph and gave him a tract. SO random. It was hilarious though, cause all these Asian chicks were like... "OMFG It's Jason Chan!!!" And I had no idea who the guy was. Ya, ok, i'm a bit lame, but whatever. It was fun. Now I'm back in Montreal...hoping to go back to Toronto soon :D, very soon. Hehe. Love you guys! xx -Nats

P.S. I can't believe I didn't take any pics!

September 10th

Ok so this is the first time I've had a blog in the past two years. I feel like I've changed so much I can't even say reading my last blog makes sense to me anymore. Random. Anyways, I'm Nathalie, and I live...well, I'm trying to move to California. Right now I'm in Toronto and I'm sort of floating around Canada for the next few months. It's like my life and dream to move to the Congo, which is what I'm doing next year, woot! Everyone thinks I'm really strange and stupid for wanting to move there, but I think its awesome, so there. I just got back from FDTP a couple of weeks ago, it was the best camp ever!! I know it sounds really corny but its true. I'll post more about it in another post cause this one is supposd to be about me. Anyways, so I'm 17, and I've basically never had a boyfriend before, I haven't done alot of things so I guess you could say I'm pretty innocent...for now...bwahahah. Lol Im so lame. I write songs, that's like my thing, and piano is my new baby, trying to learn it. I wrote a story once... http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3508995/1/Love_in_Pain
Its really corny tho, wrote it when I was 15. So yeah basically I write alot. I'm really into the most random shows, like smallville and legend of the seeker. I'm kinda short...yeah...not much else to say, i'm so random. Ok love you guys.